The Lighter Side

Detoxification…(Caution: Contents can be Gross!)

You have been warned by the title, so no complaints will be entertained, though your comments would be more than appreciated.

Now what intrigues me on the human anatomy is the very natural ability of detoxification, and humans detoxify in all three forms of matter, i.e. solid, liquid and gas. You sweat, you pee, and then you excrete waste of solid edibles. When it comes to waste of edibles, the excretion is mostly solids, which is more often than not preceded by a warning gaseous excretion which can be lethal in nature as this is along-with sweat the only excretion that can be disposed off in public without fear of engaging the long arm of the law. Popularly referred to as crop-dusting, this method of excretion should be particularly avoided while in the close vicinity of the opposite sex. Failure to do so can and more often than not will, yield in going to bed alone, or sleeping on the couch. Crop dusting can be with or without sound effects. The act of crop dusting without sound effects is also referred to as silent killers in some parts of the world.

God decided that solid excretion will be the only method of excretion that can have gaseous precursor, hence there is no gaseous matter release before the liquid excretion. Although there is a concept of a queef, which is something only the fairer gender is capable of, and is an excellent form of detoxification, but has nothing to do with liquid release preclusion phenomenon. A queef is by definition, air expulsion from the vaginal area usually after sex. In the eighteenth century, it was common practice for small groups of well-to-do Southern women to each lift up their corsets and “queef” at their leisure on warm, summer afternoons. Typically performed on balconies or porches, these women would insert various large objects in their TOOTS and slowly pull them out to create the desired sound. These “porch parties” would provide hours of fun for the ladies while the men were away, and, from a practical standpoint, at times, enough air circulation as a respite from the brutal summer heat. Small wagers were often placed with the winner going to longest continuous queef, highest pitch, lowest pitch, smelliest, and wettest. There was also the queef sing-a-long; and a special prize was given to any women whose queef could attract wildlife.

Getting back to Detoxification however, depending on what you consume, you might yield some semi-solid fluids, deter from cheap Arabian shawermas or bad Chinese/Mexican food if you do not wish to let out semi solid fluid. Also there is great risk of the brain being misled by the lower anatomy, resulting in the heart believing its gaseous lethal excretion, but you actually yield in semi solid fluid excretion, resulting in obvious public humiliation, and a trip to the local laundry, not to mention the possible need to remove lower body garments, and replacing them with shopping bags, or whatever piece of “garment wanna-be” you can get your hands on. The semi solid fluid excretion is also commonly referred to as a shart, which is distant cousin of the fart. Should you shart, beware of houseflies following a trail as a you walk down the street with your pants on the ground, cause you sure be lookin like a fool wid yo pants on da ground!!!


2 thoughts on “Detoxification…(Caution: Contents can be Gross!)

    1. thanks baby, I dedicate this post to you, for without the knowledge that has been imparted uponeth me by you, I surely would not have been able to write this post…

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