Sociology · The Lighter Side · White people

The Geo-Racio Matrix – White People Edition

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White People

Non Variable Habits

These are obviously habits that do not
change regardless of Geography

  1. Like dogs
  2. Believe they are superior to everything else
  3. Make Money
  4. Are either Christians or Jewish
  5. Like tattoos
  6. Lay under the sun whilst applying various forms of oils on their body, the objective as most will tell you is to tan their skin, the reasons for tanning can range from looking rich to looking beautiful, to telling some one without telling them that they just came back from the Caribbean or Mediterranean
  7. Make Money
  8. Swim, like water and like being around water
  9. Ski, like it when it snows, and know how to have fun in snow
  10. Make Money
  11. Drink coffee
  12. Guys tend to generally wear pants, girls can wear pants or skirts…(guys that do wear skirts are called Scots and the skirts that they wear are called kilts)
  13. Oh and Finally…Make Money

Variable Habits

These are habits that this species has adapted to when they changed their natural habitat, the change in habits is due to certain variables tweaking which might yield in different results.

USA

White people tend to originate from Europe, and Western side of Central Asia and Western Russian, however when they found their way to USA, their behavior changed remarkably, the following changes are dominant in their exhibition characteristics.

  • Eat fast food
  • Kill deer, duck, Iraqis, Afghans, Vietnamese, ‘oreans, Japanese, People who take away their canals and live in Panama, red Indians all in the name of God
  • Watch reality TV like the bachelor and the bachelorette, and think it is real
  • Believe that Columbus came from God, is a direct descendant of Christ, and there is no such place as Europe, or any other land on the other side of Atlantic, or the other side of Hawaii. Most seem to be dazed on whether Europe is a country, animal or the name of a dish made from Bacon and beef tossed in bacon fat grilled and eaten with mashed potatoes and raw fat.
  • Are confused on from where exactly the Hispanics keep showing up, blame it on Mexico as they see a lot of them when they go to vacation there.

  • Actually believe that the Mexicans swam across.
  • Watch other TV shows like pro football and baseball and think that these are sports

 

  • Love to see cars go round and round in circles and think its cool and requires some sort of talent to turn the steering left whenever the road turns left, tend to call this marry go round NASCAR

  • Drink yellowish to dark brownish liquid and swear that its called beer
  • Listen to audio books and think that reading is a waste of time
  • Maths is for geeks, so is engineering, also those dotted Indians seem to be good at it
  • Decided that language will be based on three pillars, namely dude, hot and totally, all sentences will be deemed incomplete unless one of the three pillars is included, using two is great, all three in one sentence is like dude, totally hot!
  • Generally do not like Gays, Lesbians, or walk around naked on a beach, for those that wanted to do so, they sent them off to a land and called it California, the Californians excelled at most things specifically art and culture, and became the richest state for reasons “still” unknown to the rest of the Americans

Variables

  1. Greed for money power control, collectively all three factors have historically been attributed with agricultural land, gold and other minerals, and of late with oil
  2. Belief in God, heaven, Christ, God doing a girl called Mary to produce a child called Jesus, Santa Claus and other similar absurdities

South Africa

Now in contrast to white people in USA, the ones living in south africa although, originated from Europe and similar parts exhibit behavior which is quite in contrast and rather unique.

  1. Speak a variant of English and a strange other language called Afrikaans, none of which make any sense to any one
  2. Tendency to bring in slaves from India to make rail road and work in fields when the whole freaking world was taking slaves from Africa to every imaginable place the sea allowed
  3. Play Rugby and Cricket
  4. dig for Diamonds
  5. Insist that the dark colored species that can talk and walk is not human and can be used as non wild life to economical benefits
  6. Once realized that this species has been categorized human by all other white people across the globe, decided to either not have any more babies, or move to Dubai where they get paid for being white and hanging around mumbling in Afrikaans


Australia

Now the Australian white people trace their heritage to a bunch of criminals from Britain who were put on a boat and sent off to a land far far away, where they came across strange people who had big noses, amused themselves while they stood on one leg and blowing excessive amounts of air through a long pipe which created a sound that resembled the wind, which is odd, as they were blowing wind, not to be confused with passing wind, which is a completely separate phenomenon and involves serious bad odor.

  • Call their friends mates, even though they don’t sleep with them or live with them or they may not even know them
  • Use the term g’day to say hi, may also mean at time, but not necessarily “Have a Good Day”, most will attach mate, pronounced Maiyte as a prefix or a suffix
  • Play cricket
  • Dress as kangaroos
  • Really like Black Sabbath and Ozzie Osbourne as they all like to call themselves Ozzie Ozzie, though they seem to spell it as Aussie, no relation to the breed of dogs however, weird
  • Hop around like Kangaroos
  • Like beer (but don’t drink fosters)
  • Conistently beats the English at all sports
  • Have xmas in summer and wear sweaters in June
  • Get used to good weather, and hates the uk weather
  • Think the Kiwi’s shag sheep
  • Don’t claim Russel Crowe as an aussie
  • tend to be rather rude, have also managed to generate a strange capability to be proud of their rudeness, also confuse ignorance with intellect, understandably, most of them are self proclaimed intellects
  • Think beer is the aussie equivalent of a health drink
  • Think the English, and ‘Tasweigens’ (Tasmanians) are in-bred
  • have one mate by the name of either Davo, Robbo, or Nato (males names typically end in an O ) and know a shiela by the name of Shazza, ( which is short for sharon, cheryl, sharlene, though most females names end in an A )

India

White people found their way to India back in 18th century when they were roaming around the world in their ships looking for lands to colonize. They came in through East India Trading company and wanted to trade stuff like silk and spice, later they realized that the population at large who were Hindus were a bunch of Idiots who thought the cow was like their mom or something and elephants and monkeys were extremely strong people disguising themselves as stupid animals, and the rulers who were Muslim were even bigger morons who spent most of their time building Taj Mahals for women who had died, or taking water to higher levels to cool themselves, writing poetry about women who had either left them or died or hanging around dancing girls while their four wives at home produced their off springs. So they pretty much bribed themselves to make the Indian subcontinent a Victorian Colony ruled by a Viceroy.  Little did they know that they were engulfing themselves into a plague that would haunt them forever!! (more on this in the Indian Section)

  • Started wearing safari suits, and round strange hats
  • Preferred to be called Saab instead of Sir
  • Liked to hunt for dead lions at the crack of dawn
  • Made houses with big doors and vents
  • Walked around with a handkerchief in extreme heat yet wearing a suit and tie and boots and God knows what else under it
  • Hated the weather the culture and everything around them, yet continued to live there because most of the people around them thought they were superior creatures
  • Got on top of elephants and enjoyed the 1.86 tons of shit that came out from the behind alongwith exhaust gasses from the elephants engine
  • Took special liking to the untouchables converting them to Christianity thus taking them away from the cows and monkeys and elephants to worshiping the guy that made out with Mary to make Jesus
  • Tried to make the Indians wear more clothes by giving them textiles from Manchester, till a guy named Gandhi came along who like young girls and wore little clothes and told every one he did this because he did not want the textile industry from Manchester to succeed
  • Tried to learn the local language with little effect, relenting to translate linguistically word for word, yielding in the excessive use of the word “want” translated “mangta”, this word is still used excessively by the Indians even though most of the whites have left
  • Decided that they did not want to endure any more of the colony as the guy with little clothes and the guy with a quirky cap decided to make new nations out of the land, so left with a mess, that is still bubbling

Nigeria

The Portugese were the first ones to have landed here way back in the day until a Brit named goldie took charge and made it a British colony. There was no plausible reason for the white man to goto nigeria except for two main reasons; they first went there in search of the beast on two feet that was dark in color and ate other beasts and worked well in the fields and fetched a good price. Years later they found out that the beast was human and decided to call them niggers until some one proclaimed it rude to call a nigger a nigger unless a nigger is calling a nigger a nigger. Little did they know, like the ones that went to India, what a plague they were getting into (more on that in the Black race section.) Once the nigger import business was outlawed, the white mad found black oil instead of black humans in Africa and since then has done all sorts of weird things that they would not do in their natural habitat.

  • Burnt fields that produced food so that people in the fields would work in the refineries
  • Categorized humans based on the size of their noses
  • Made friends with ruling non democratic military elite and declared them their best friends, back home most white people were more accustomed to call them dictators
  • Decided that spilling oil and venting out gas into the atmosphere may actually do good to the locals who were a bunch of annoying pricks any ways and were always looking for ways to hurt the white mans money making ways
  • Decided to help them with increased Toxic waste by implementing waste water projects that pumped waste water back into the water basin, thus marginally denting the miserly less than 1 MT Carbon emission per person in Africa which is a shame compared to the prosperously high over 20 MT in US.

Middle East

Now the middle east was never much of an interest to the white man, after all it was a barren land, nothing grew there, and the people were dumb and lazy idiots who believed in a pedophile who wrote a book despite not knowing how to write (go figure)  and pretty much laid under a camel all day waiting for night to fall so they could move across sand dunes. Until they figured that the land was actually under the Turkish Empire, who are not their friends, so they decided to send this guy called Lawrence there, who made friends with the lazy dumb people who believed in a pedophile blah blah blah hereon referred to as Bedouins. This Lawrence character made really good friends with them, infact he even took a liking to bending back and asking them to poke his asshole with their pricks, which the Bedouins took a special liking to and specifically loved this white man and his ass hole. Till one fine day while messing with the Turks railroad lines and all, the white man figured out there was darn oil in them deserts.

  • White women decided that they will not drive
  • White women decided that they will wear black robes over their skirts, will not sun bathe, kiss in public (only men do that there, and white men were too ashamed to do that)
  • Decided to send in the dumbest white men to Arabia and see them transform into the smartest people, although as soon as they came back they converted back into dumb people, this process of sending out dumb people to make them smart has yielded in significant monetary value to most white nations as these dumb people were on the verge of losing their jobs and hence put a dent on the tax paid by people like me, thus I quite like it when they ship them out there
  • Found out that not only dumb oil executives become smart out there, also dumb red necks and niggers in army clothes can go out there and act all smart and educated. Not quite a good impact on my tax dollars though as they get paid out of my money.
  • Decided to tie ropes to men and make them walk around like dogs in prisons
  • Red neck girls took a special liking to the local men, and had a darn good time watching them walk around naked and poured high pressure water on them
  • Decided they wanted to sell their bullets and shit so got this dude name Saddam to attack another country and then kicked the shit out of him so the world could say America!! Fuck Yea!!
  • Made friends with the house of Saud, which is a bunch of filthy rich Arabs who have a lot of money but don’t know what to do with it, so they give a lot of it to the white man, and then a lot of it to these other Arabs who hide in Afghanistan and use that money to fly planes into buildings and kill a lot of people

and that is the story of the white man, I have intentionally kept out England from this post, as that will appear in a completely new post.

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