Gays and Lesbians · Sociology · The Lighter Side

The skeleton in the attic and the Gaydar

Growing up, most people who discover their sexuality, tend to hide it in the closet, until they muster up the courage to bring it out. Some take it out of the closet, and put it in the attic. Preach their entire lives otherwise, only to be found out, at an airport, with an escort.

George Alan Rekers (born July 11, 1948) is an American psychologist and Christian minister. He is emeritus professor of Neuropsychiatry & Behavioral Science at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine. He received his Ph.D. in human developmental psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles, his Th.D. from the University of South Africa, and his MBA from Southern Wesleyan University.

In 1983 Rekers was on the founding board of the Family Research Council, a non-profit Christian lobbying organization, along with James Dobson and Armand Nicholi Jr. He is a former officer of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), an organization offering conversion therapy intended to change homosexuals into heterosexuals. Rekers has testified on the allegedly destructive and sinful nature of homosexuality in a number of court cases involving organizations and state agencies working with children.

In May 2010, the Miami New Times reported that Rekers had hired a man who offered male prostitution through a website called Rentboy.com as a “travel companion” to travel with him, carry his bags, and provide daily one-hour nude massages during a ten-day trip to Europe. In the wake of the story, Rekers denied any inappropriate conduct, and stated that he had hired a defamation attorney to fight untrue claims made against him. He also resigned from the board of NARTH.

So let’s do a reprise on this, the guy is well-educated, and fairly successful at what he does, albeit he has spent his life advocating that what he arguably practices himself. Interesting to note, the Reverend denies all charges, and with “God” as his witness, proclaims that it was an honest mistake and that he had no idea that one Jo-vanni Roman had contrasting sexual preferences.

Now for anyone who has ever seen a Gay person, they would know, there is such a device called a Gaydar. The gaydar sends instantaneous beeps to the brain while in the vicinity of a gay person. These beeps depending upon ones own sexual preferences advise the brain on critical decisions such as to either buy them a drink, or don’t make eye contact. Surely, the Reverend George Rekers’ Gaydar would have beeped while Jo-vanni was lifting his “luggage”, or while he was rubbing his butt, or perhaps when the Reverend was tossing the salad!!

The Gaydar works in a very interpretive manner. It senses the surroundings and releases chemicals in the brain that yield in instant activity in the right and left side of the brain. These waves are then transmitted through the anatomy to carry out various acts in a simultaneous manner. These acts are, again, dependant upon ones sexual preferences:

  1. External Activities
    1. Make immediate eye contact, or, don’t make eye contact at all
    2. Instantiate conversation, with the gay person, or with anyone else in sight
    3. Reach for the bar tender, and buy the gay person a drink, or anyone else in sight, if no one else is in sight, ask for a tequila shot and shoot it down
  2. Internal Activities
    1. Sexual hormones triggering, or confiscation of any loosely bound traces of hormones abound in the body
    2. Nervousness, pretty much regardless of orientation, indicative by nail-biting, itching, leg shaking etc. movements
    3. Increased palpitations, distance and frequency of beeping is proven to have a directly proportional effect on the heart beat.

But, the Reverend says, with God at his witness, that he was, born with, a faulty, Gaydar!

Surely, he must have applied for disabled persons parking spot by now, the man is was born handicapped. You can’t help but feel sorry for him. He probably spent half his life hitting on butch dikes, and hugging cuddly good-looking boys, who he thought were good Christians, while they were rubbing their hands on his genitalia..

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