Hesus vs. Pbuh – The lighter side

Other than the arguable fiction proclaiming Hesus incepted by the big G himself, or herself, there is one other very clear differentiator between Hesus and Pbuh, i.e. their sexuality. While Hesus is known to be pretty much asexual, Pbuh pretty much liked to do them in shapes and sizes, ages and races. There seems to be little evidence of his door swinging the other way though. From marrying a MILF 15 years older to him, to doing one over 50 years younger than him, for a man that died at age 60, Pbuh seemed to be on a mission to set a muff variance record.

 The myth about the relationship of Hesus with one Mary Magdalene is one of considerable controversy. While earlier historians seemed to have proclaimed that Mary was a prostitute and all, she was one of Hesus’ closest disciples and there is frequent talk of them making out in public. There is a whole group of ill guided people that believe Hesus humped Mary, placed a bun in the oven and put her on a ship bound for the You knighted States where the child and the vein have come to be known as Mormons. Supposedly there was further feminine presence around Hesus, but male presence around him is significantly higher. In either case, I feel there is significant reason to believe that Hesus wanted all to believe that he was a man with little sexual interests, for reasons best known to him, but indulged in fervent sexual experimentations. It is for solely this reason that his most pious followers today, follow in the exact same steps.

The total reported cases of sexual abuse in churches is 2,750 a day, it is assumed that ten times that number goes un reported. That accounts for almost 30,000 cases a day. The total Christian population in the world is 2,100,000,000 or 2.1 billion. Assuming 25% of that is under 15 years of age, that gives us 525,000,000 young Christians. Assuming 50% of them attend church, which is on the far higher side, 262,500,000 are at risk of sexual molestation. Assuming they are at risk from ages 5-15 which means 10 years of exposure, a total molestation in those ten years is 100,950,000, which essential means 41% of all church going children are molested in the church at least once. I list down some of the major embarrassments the church has faced over the last decade.

1. John Paulk, 2000

John Paulk, former leader of the Love Won Out conference, was also author of the autobiography “Not Afraid to Change,” his story about being delivered from homosexuality. However, in September 2000, Paulk was photographed in a Washington, D.C. gay bar flirting with male patrons. Paulk initially denied the claims, but later confessed to being in the bar, adding that he did not enter the bar for sexual pursuits.

2. Douglas Goodman, 2004

Evangelist Douglas Goodman and his wife Erica were pastors of Victory Christian Centre, one of the largest churches in London, England, with a very popular televised ministry. After sexually assaulting four female churchgoers, Douglas Goodman was sentenced and jailed for three and a half years. VCC was closed, but after his release from prison Goodman joined his wife Erica in pastoral ministry at her newly established Victory to Victory church.

3. Ted Haggard, 2006

Ted Haggard was the pastor of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado, as well as the president of the National Association of Evangelicals from 2003-2006. In 2006, it was revealed that Haggard had been regularly visiting a male prostitute who also provided him with drugs. Haggard admitted to his solicitation and resigned as pastor of his church and as president of the NAE. In 2009, Haggard admitted to a second relationship with a male church member on CNN-TV.

4. Paul Barnes, 2006

Paul Barnes, in his 28 years as a pastor, founded the Grace Chapel church in Douglas County, Colorado, with a few dozen people in his home basement. With time, the church’s membership grew to 2,100 loyal followers. In 2006, Barnes confessed to homosexual activity and resigned. Many believe he was so forthright because of Ted Haggard’s scandal, which happened at the same time in the same state.

5. Lonnie Latham, 2006

The Southern Baptist Convention, or the SBC, is an extremely powerful movement not only amongst Southern Baptists but Baptists nationwide. In 2006, Lonnie Latham, member of the SBC Executive Committee and senior pastor of South Tulsa Baptist Church, was arrested for allegedly inviting a male undercover Oklahoma City police officer to his hotel room for sex. Latham urged people not to believe it, and was later found not guilty in a one day trial for the misdemeanor.

6. Earl Paulk, 2007

Earl Paulk, sometimes considered the father of the religious sex scandal, has scandals (plural) that stretch over a decade. The late Earl Paulk was the founder and head pastor of Chapel Hill Harvester Church in Decatur, Georgia, from 1960 until the late 90s. During his time as pastor, a number of women from the congregation came forward claiming that they had sexual relations with Paulk, many of which were proven true. However it was the scandal involving Donnie Earl Paulk, the current senior pastor of the church and nephew of Earl Paulk, that was the most shocking of them all in. In 2007, Paulk D.E. Paulk took a court-ordered DNA test which showed that he was Earl’s son, not his nephew — sadly proving Earl and his sister-in-law had had a sexual relationship. Earl Paulk, who passed away in 2009, is said to be the longtime mentor of Bishop Eddie Long.

7. Coy Privette, 2007

Coy Privette is one of the famous Baptist ministers in the state of North Carolina, as the longtime head of the N.C. Christian Action League. In 2007, the State Bureau of Investigation and the Kannapolis Police Department charged Coy Privette with six counts of aiding and abetting prostitution. Privette, who was 74 at the time, was the Cabarrus County Commissioner and a former N.C. State Representative.

8. Joe Barron, 2008

Before there was “Dateline: How To Catch A Predator,” there was Joe Barron — one of the 40 ministers presiding over the 26,000 members at Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano, Texas. Barron, a marriage counseling pastor, was caught in the web of an internet crackdown on pedophiles when he was arrested in 2008 for solicitation of a minor. Barron made the drive from the Dallas area to Bryan, Texas, in order to allegedly engage in sexual relations with what he thought to be a 13-year-old girl he met online. The “girl” turned out to be an undercover law enforcement official. At the time of the arrest, police found condoms, a webcam and headset in Barron’s car.

9. Tony Alamo, 2008

In September 2008, FBI agents raided the Tony Alamo Christian Ministries headquarters in a child pornography investigation, after the mayor of Fouke, Arkansas, office had received complaints from former ministry members about allegations of child abuse, sexual abuse and polygamy. In late July 2009, Alamo was convicted on ten counts of transporting young girls and boys across state lines for sexual activities and pornography. On November 13, 2009, he was sentenced to the maximum punishment of 175 years in prison.

10. George Alan Rekers, 2010

George Alan Rekers, a far-right Christian leader was encountered and photographed at Miami International Airport returning from an extended overseas trip with a twenty-year-old gay male prostitute, known as a “rent boy.” Given Rekers’ opinion on homosexuals and homosexual behavior, his decision to employ a homosexual escort as a traveling companion, stirred up a scandal. Rekers initially claimed that the escort was there to help carry luggage, but later gave a new explanation for the trip on Facebook, “I deliberately spend time with sinners with the loving goal to try to help them.” The escort claimed in subsequent interviews, that Rekers had paid him to provide nude massages daily, which included genital touching.